And then a reversal.

I walked outside and it was warm and dark. The air was heavy, smelling of rain, recently evicted, and the low cloudcover dashed orange from the city lights hinted at nearby downpours waiting to pounce. There was slow but constant wind, rustling the leaves but hardly even touching my hair, leaving a slightly uncomfortable feeling of nervous intent.

I walked out onto the sidewalk, recently rain-soaked, and looked around. The world was closing in. It felt as though there was nobody else around; that I was alone in the city, just like a movie, with nobody to talk to, nothing to find, and something stalking around the darkness.

The orange glow of the city reflecting on the purple clouds left me desiring to find more, as I strolled off under the trees and through the wet grass to find something; anything.

I watched with disappointment as I saw myself wander aimlessly into the dark. I called out, but my voice was stolen in the wind, leaving nothing but rustling grass and my will to attempt an intervention. There was nothing that could be done. I paced back and forth on the porch, wishing I could have stopped myself from leaving, but I was far too talented at ignoring myself. I had to let me go.

I walked back inside, turned on the lights, and made soup. Broccoli and cheese fragrances lifted from the pan, as the gracefully potent tones of 'I Choose Noise' drifted from the stereo in the living room. The rain picked up in perfect timing with the climax of the song in a fit of coincidence.

The soup finished, and I sat softly on the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table, enjoying the rain, but missing the interaction. The lighting in the room seemed to fade, if only due to my inattentiveness, staring out the window at nothing and everything. The soup grew cold, the music repeated, the thoughts remained, the doorbell rang.

I opened the door, and walked into the house, rain soaking my clothes, almost down to my bones. Water puddles formed where my feet had been as I walked to the bathroom, stood in the tub and stripped down, donned a towel, and went to make soup. The stove was strangely warm as I prepared the nights banquet.

I sat on the couch, turned on the tv and pulled up the newest episode of "The Office". I sat and enjoyed my soup, and the show, laughed at Jim, felt bad for Toby, wanted to strangle Michael, and fell asleep with the series on 'repeat'.

I awoke to the sound of Josh running down the stairs, and the sun shining through the blinds, ironically causing me to squint. I smiled as Josh walked by in his long underwear, and felt oddly happy, as if I had spent the evening with a friend.

I felt at home.

Crimson and Sickness

At least, that's how I feel this season starts off in retail. I mean, I spent last year's Thanksgiving all upset because I had to go to bed early so I could be at work at 4 am. One of my reasons for leaving Best Buy when I did was so that I didn't have to do that again. Long hours, impatient people, rude line-jumpers, and people who will sacrifice all kindness and fairness to buy a cheaper present for their kids.

So, I tried to get out of this, and moved to a new company. My attempt wasn't entirely in vain, but it was close. I spent yesterday (Thanksgiving) being upset because I needed to get to bed early because I was working a twelve hour shift starting at 7:45am. Crazy. I just want out of retail so bad. But what can you do? I mean, I've tried and as far as I'm concerned, I was lied to on many facets of this situation, and mix in a bit of naivete and a bit of my own bad decision making.

Anyways. Aside from that, I have recieved a new car, which is pretty cool. A 1990 Nissan Maxima. Funny thing is; the insurance on the Maxima is more expensive than the insurance on my Rx-7. No idea. Weird.

Also, I am probably going to start going back to school in the spring. That makes me excited. I like the feeling of 'belonging' to a school, so to speak (as long as it's not WSU, because then I just feel like I'm 'owned' by the school, which is stupid).

So ok. It's time to get back to work. *ninja vanish*

...and the apex seal fell.

Man, I'll tell you what; I have been the brunt of many jokes involving luck with cars. I mean, people always tell me "Seth, man, you have the worst luck with cars", and sometimes, I feel as though I have very bad luck with cars, which leads me to believe that my luck with cars is less than desireable. Sometimes, my luck just sucks; involving cars. Once in awhile, I get a cool car, and then luck shows up and does its thing.

Today I was on my way to work (which is unfailingly always when my car acts silly) and one of my apex seals decided to go away. At least one. Anyways, in 'i-dont-know-jack-crap-about-cars-speak', my engine blew. And the worst part is, I wasn't even doing anything fun. I was driving on the highway. I wasn't racing, or drifting, or evading police; I was just driving.

But you know, I've been through situations like this before, many times, and I'm sort of just used to it, or at least accepting of it. I'm honestly not upset. I honestly think it's kind of funny really. Well, time to go looking for car #9. Let me give you a run-down in case you have forgotten my history.

1. 1968 Chevy Impala -- Wrecked, Sold
2. 1994 Ford Escort -- Sold
3. 1987 Toyota Supra -- Engine Blown, Sold
4. 1990 Nissan 300zx -- Stolen
5. 1991 Dodge stealth -- Sold to mom, Bought back, Engine blown, Rebuilt, Blown again and sold.
6. 1988 Chevy Blazer -- Given Away
7. 1992 Olds Silhouette -- Sold
8. 1989 Mazda Rx-7 -- Engine Blown, TBA

That's all in the last 7 years. Yep, I keep myself busy.

Well, I'm going to go try to sell some phones so I can get a car. Bye for now.

-setH

I have fruit.

So it's been a few days since I've posted on here, or really anywhere online. Yeah, I've been busy, but truthfully, I just haven't really felt like posting. It is nice, however, to do so again. I know that for now, not many people read my website, let alone this blog, but someday, I will sit down with my wife and 2.5 kids in my suburban home after a long day as a middle class employee with limited responsibilities, and we will look back at these posts, providing blogger.com is still around, and we will laugh, and cry, and think, and then get bored and go watch The Office.

Things are strange these days. Lately I've felt a rush of personal responsibility, encompassing everything from finances to eating habits, and it's good. I'm excited for that. At the same time, however, I regularly encounter people who just seem to settle. Remember those 2.5 kids and middle-class job I spoke of earlier? I have no desire to be average (which hopefully you realized was the theme of that little rant). I want things that are out of the ordinary to become my ordinary. Just to make that clear. If I haven't said that enough yet.

I am going to admit, I wish like crazy that I was in a position to be with Aaron right now. He is living what I know God called me to do, and now, because I was doing my own thing, I have to sell phones to pay off debt before I can get out there. However, this time, I know what I did wrong. I don't know what exactly God has in store for me, but I'm excited about wherever I'm going, because I feel and see what he's leaning me towards.

I bought fruit. When I say "I bought fruit" I want you to understand what I mean. I bought 6 apples, 5 oranges, 4 bananas (yes, I'm one for numerical irony), three different varieties of fruit cups, and a bag of beef jerky. My shelf in the cupboard is strangely devoid of the usual participants, such as Campbell's various soups; the freezer is free from my usual frozen occupants, but I snapped and couldn't hold myself back from two things. Bawls and Tostito's Hint of Lime chips. Considering the usual habitation of my kitchen space, and adding to the mix my over-zealous bike ride across town the other day, I'd say I'm on track to lose a pound or two. Maybe three.

The time has come for my whimsical writing style to part electronic ways with your subconscious, so have a fine day, say 'hi' to someone you don't know, and trip someone you don't like.

Ted Haggard

I have seen this man speak on a few occasions, and I have many friends who know him personally. His son Marcus was even on my wing at ORU the year before I was there. Let me take a moment to give you something that I believe the Lord has laid on my heart to say about this man.

He is a man of God. He is not forsaken, he is not cast out.

Please read this, one of the stories of David.

• David, infatuated with the beautiful Bathsheba, wife of Uriah the Hittite, commits adultery with her. Bathsheba conceives, and David tries to cover up his sin. Uriah is brought home from the army in order to report to David. David then sends Uriah home, with the intent that he should cohabit with his wife and claims of adultery would never surface. However, Uriah refuses to go home, and sleeps with David's servants in the palace, as it would be unfair for him to enjoy the comforts of home when his comrades are still at war. David tries getting Uriah drunk the second night, but this plot fails as well; Uriah still retires in the servant quarters of David's palace. Finally, David sends Uriah back to the front, with orders to the commanders that they should abandon him in the midst of the enemy. And so it is done, Uriah dies in battle, and David marries Bathsheba and has a son by her. But the prophet Nathan speaks out against the sin, and although David repents, God kills the child as a punishment. Still, Nathan tells David that "The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die."

First, Nathan is the name that David gives to the son that he has with Bathsheba. Interesting huh? Now, here is something God said to David (again, through Nathan the Prophet), in spite of his (David's) shortcomings...

• He will establish the house of David eternally: "Your throne shall be established for ever."

So, if God said to David (through Nathan) that his Kingdom would be established forever, and God knows all things, and then David goes and does the whole Bathsheba thing, isn't it possible that mighty men of God (keep in mind, this is the same David that God said 'go throw a rock at the huge dude's head, you'll win the war') are just men, and capable of falling, but also that God has overcome this?

Ted Haggard was and is an amazing man of God. The media is retarded and worthless and is making it appear that he is a fallen saint who was disgraced and can never be seen the same again. Many people are going to lose faith in at least Ted, and at worst, Christianity thanks to this event, but the fact of the matter is, God is bigger than this. The love that we have thanks to God is bigger than this.

This isn't a situation where Pastor Ted's whole life was a blatant lie to further his own profit. He honestly believed and still believes in what he tought for years, and I honestly believe that he is a strong man who knows God. He is still a man, and capable of fault. God knows this, and allows for this. He is forgiven by God, anything anyone holds against him from here on out is a grudge. A hypocritical grudge at that.

Please read the following links, and make your own judgements based on the facts, and not the media interperetations.

Ted Haggard's Statement to his church.
Ted's wife Gayle's Statement to her church.

These people are truly seeking God, and I have all the respect and honor for them in the world.